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Monday, July 14, 2008

Rocker Roth Not Ailin'

I would be remiss were I too neglect commentary surrounding the biggest rock n’roll story this region has seen in years. Last week it was reported in the local media that Van Halen frontman, David Lee Roth had been nabbed for speeding by provincial police. His alibi: that he was on his way to hospital after suffering an allergic reaction to nuts.

It turns out that the whole story is true, except it didn’t involve the real David Lee Roth. According to Ontario Provincial Police (OPP), “there’s a man running around the province impersonating the Van Halen frontman.” It was this mock ‘Diamond’ Dave who was saved by police after peanuts caused an allergic reaction. (Heretofore known as ‘Cubic Zirconia’ Dave.) The real David Lee Roth already issued a statement, saying he was not saved by the OPP and he’s certainly not allergic to anything, “besides criticism” and perhaps loose fitting pants.

A provincial police spokesperson is now saying this fake Roth has “scammed a lot of people” in Southwestern Ontario and that he could be charged with obstruction of justice for giving a false name to local law enforcement officers. But the story doesn’t end there: Cubic Zirconia Roth was seen partying at a nightclub in Hamilton, Ontario, where he reportedly sang a song and was partying with “two nurses from the hospital.” The man was wearing expensive clothes, a pink feather boa and “a hospital bracelet,” so either the counterfeit Dave ate more nuts or he escaped the psychiatric hospital with two nurses and the belief that he really is David Lee Roth. A message to Canadian fans: approach 'Cubic Zirconia' Dave with caution. (Particularly if he is wearing his assless chaps.)

In unrelated news, I could have sworn I saw Amy Winehouse yesterday at Home Depot buying roofing nails. Coincedence? Perhaps.

Let me know about your brushes with faux celebrity rock stars in the Comments Section.
UPDATE: Cops Identify David Lee Roth impostor
July 15, 2008

Officers helped Cambridge man recover from allergic reaction

CAMBRIDGE — Ontario Provincial Police have identified a man they believe posed as sometime Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth.

Police say David Kuntz of Cambridge identified himself as the rocker after being pulled over for speeding near Brantford on May 23.

The driver told police he was Roth and that he was suffering from an allergic reaction to peanuts, and he later went to a local hospital where he continued the charade.

The impostor also caused a stir at a pub where he convinced patrons of his star status. But a handful of people recognized the Roth lookalike in newspaper photos and later phoned police.

Friends and former classmates say Kuntz drummed in a rock band called Majesty in the 1980s and was often mistaken for Roth.


Anonymous said...

Okay you are nutty.

Sean Wraight said...

Why thank you anon. You must be in Grade 8.